Stage 1 - Training days

Day 171

Today was Bill and June’s first day of “school” — Day 1 of five adoption classes. Going into the session, they weren’t entirely sure what to expect. In the end, it turned out to be a great experience. They met four other couples starting their adoption journeys and immediately knew they were among people who would become fantastic support for one another.

The training covered the adoption process in detail, particularly how matching works, which they found exceptionally valuable. Each day included a guest speaker. On the first day, the speaker was someone who had adopted previously. They shared their experience with the process, including a very long Stage 1 (11 months!) followed by a normal-length Stage 2 and quick matching after panel. The whole group loved hearing this story.

It cannot be understated how valuable it was simply to meet and talk to people experiencing the same things and to understand what it is like.

Day 178

Day 2 of adoption training focused on child development and attachment theory. The guest speaker, Emily, an adult adoptee from the 1960s, shared her experience growing up adopted at a time when openness about adoption was not encouraged.

Her story provided a powerful insight into how lack of openness can impact a child’s self-identity. Bill and June realised why it is so important to have proper conversations about adoption as part of a child’s story.

Later, the group completed an exercise called the “Map of Me.” After completing their own maps, each participant reviewed someone else’s, considering how they would adapt to that person’s life. Bill noted in his diary how insightful this was, helping them experience what it might feel like to be an adopted child “picking up someone else’s life.”

The group also set up a dedicated WhatsApp group to stay in touch, which became invaluable for sharing joys, frustrations, and support throughout the adoption journey.

Day 199

Day 3 included a guest speaker, Fiona, a birth mother whose first two children had been removed and adopted. She shared her deeply personal story, including her difficult upbringing, the challenges in her relationships, and the circumstances that led to her children being taken into care. Hearing Fiona speak brought the group face-to-face with the emotional reality of adoption from a birth parent’s perspective.

The group reflected on the importance of not villainising birth parents. They realised that even when birth parents try their best, circumstances beyond their control can result in a child being removed. Bill and June found this particularly moving, as it highlighted how complex and delicate the adoption process can be for everyone involved.

Later in the session, the class completed exercises exploring child perspectives and attachment needs. They discussed how children might feel when being placed with adoptive families and how early experiences shape behaviour. Bill noted in his diary that these activities gave him a better understanding of the adoptee’s viewpoint — “what it might feel like to suddenly have someone else taking responsibility for your life.”

The day ended with a discussion about the adoption journey timeline, including how Stage 2 is organised backwards from the planned panel date. This insight helped everyone understand the process more clearly and filled the room with excitement and anticipation for the next steps.

Day 206

Day 4 focused on early permanence and adopting siblings. This session was more conversational than previous days, which the group appreciated. Bill and June also met Helen, their social worker, in person for the first time.

Day 213

Day 5 was led by the post-adoption support team. It was valuable to meet them and learn about the support available. Unfortunately, there was a lot of repetition from previous days, since the content had been prepared without reference to the earlier sessions. Still, there were some useful insights. Just a small anticlimax after five days of training, but worthwhile nonetheless.